this song is a prayer of sorts.. a "coming to terms" with a well kept secret i had no plan on telling. the kind of      secret that held so much power, you'd think the earth would shake if you told another soul or at least a lightning storm would scare you..  but no such thing happened that day : the gods, somewhere else.

yet there's a point in my telling of it where arsenal was a place to feel safe.  i no longer held the space for 'victim' or in my particular circumstance 'sexual abuse survivor' because i have a hard time swallowing the idea of me being "the boy that was abused". 

so in that moment, in that day where you could just smell the gunpowder in the air and I had no idea the gun was pointed at my brother or even myself at times...  a bit of alchemy took place.

i don't know, maybe the sun came out or my mother came closer, but inside it felt like birds..  and something melted and puddled when i wrote the first line : "Brother, gonna turn all my guns into birds"

the piano scooted me into Spring and everything shifted.. rivering me back to myself and my relationship with this secret..  and most importantly, the birds that flew away from this.. only needing a song to release them.. 

and me to let them fly.  Joshua Bley ...        "The Fog"   ... listen  ... (mp3)